Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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