...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
