Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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