You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
