Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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