you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
