that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize