my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
