Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she told me i tasted like america
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
