I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
