I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I touched a dick in church today
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
