I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
