Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she peed on how many people?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you had me at cake vodka
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
