Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
