Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry majoraxe01 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(812): View more from Indiana

he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.

Fav 13 875 2379
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(240): View more from Maryland

I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.

Fav 26 4477 1846
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life

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(201): View more from New Jersey

We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?

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(807): View more from Ontario

It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five

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(440): View more from Ohio

If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands

Fav 0 816 506
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.

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