A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
