Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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