I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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