i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
