Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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