I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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