Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
