This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
