We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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