I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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