I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
