this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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