I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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