Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
