BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
