that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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