Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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