don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
