And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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