i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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