The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
