Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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