are you still at the devil's house?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Who died my cat blue again?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
