There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
