Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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