In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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