Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
