Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
