im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
