Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
