I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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