i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize