my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
