Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
And then he peed in my hair
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