I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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