I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
