He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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