he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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