This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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