woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
