I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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