summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
