no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize