ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I touched a dick in church today
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize