If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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