Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize