my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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