At least make sure they are 18
Why
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
