IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
