Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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