Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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