I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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