If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
