My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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